a kid named rufus creates light from solitude

Shot by Quinn Blackburn

As restrictions begin to lift and the life we once knew begins to materialize and unfold before our eyes, it’s hard to believe how we lived like this for so long. How did we manage--to learn, work, listen, love, and live--between the four walls of our bedroom? As we sit in our chairs, staring lazily at the world moving at a standstill outside, how did we keep going? 

For Malaysian native Rufus Sivaroshan, known in the musical world as a kid named rufus, quarantine felt like “wasting time,” the name of his first single on his debut EP, “graduation.” Sivaroshan is an indie-pop artist, currently based in New York, where he has more recently moved to the U.S. to attend college whilst simultaneously navigating his musical journey. Before “wasting time,” Sivaroshan has released numerous singles, with one hit song “useless” finding a spotlight on Spotify’s “Lorem” playlist with almost 900,000 streams.

In “wasting time,” we’re immediately enveloped into the song with clear, separate thuds of guitar, much like a heartbeat, thumping over muffled whispers before being hushed with one clean note. Sivaroshan’s vocals float in with dreamy, drawn-out notes in direct contrast with the weight of the lyrics, “set me free I’ll do it easily/ let me know (let me know).”

A unique characteristic of many of Sivaroshan’s songs, the heavy subject lying within the lyrics is partnered by a bubbly, shining resonance. A choice that began intentionally, it morphed into a distinct characteristic of Sivaroshan’s style, becoming ingrained in his artistry. As Sivaroshan explains, his intentions behind the music never wavered and the sound formed organically from it as a result. 

“I feel like I always wanted to write upbeat music but have deep, meaningful topics behind it. I think that’s just become my sound. I can’t produce anything that sounds sad, that’s just not me,” Sivaroshan said. 

The emphasis through echoing “let me know” can be reminiscent of what it was like to be locked away and lost in thought during early quarantine. Through the use of a rhetorical question--that no one’s coming to answer--the feeling of mental strain and loneliness is amplified. Though such a minor element of the overall song, the change in sound works as a powerful tool in driving home the message. 

As Sivaroshan moves into the chorus, the beat continues to build as the listener seems to sit nearby, cascaded in waves of faraway wishes and worries. The lyricism flows like a chain of thoughts, “I don’t wanna stay inside ‘cause it’s blurred/And I know the reason I’m scared/Who knows, everything goes.”

For many of us during quarantine, days used to lump together in a fit of sticky summer heat, our minds never seemed free from the onslaught of emotions that came from feeling trapped. Sivaroshan highlights his desire to break free from this, but also the fear of the unknown that holds him back; he expands that it was often a frustrating time, but one that was followed by inspiration.

“What the hell is happening? No one knows what’s happening. We’ve all been stuck at home for a month at this point. And we’re trying to get out and go back to a normal summer. I don’t want to waste time at home,” Sivaroshan said. 

The outro pulses with the electricity of guitar, complemented by faint echoes of Sivaroshan’s “everything goes” until the beat fizzles out into quiet. It leaves one thinking, as we take steps closer to normal, everything will eventually go.

Jade KwitkiwskiComment